Having just returned from a whirlwind trip to Milwaukee, I have established one very important fact: if I lived there, getting gussied up to leave my abode would be a much faster process.
Women in Milwaukee are geniuses. They do not need to worry about pedicures, razors, cellulite, spider veins, jiggly bellies/butts/arms/necks, manicures,lip gloss, hair dye or hairdos. These women need one beauty product; mascara. “Why?” you ask. Because when they step outside, only their eyeballs show. Most excitingly, as my wise friend Lisa pointed out, they probably need to gain weight every winter. She said “it’s a health and safety issue really.”
You can be covered to the point of being un-recognizable (even to family members) and men will still treat you like the femme fatale you dream you are. Or maybe that’s only if you are on a construction site. Whatever.
Disclaimer: This conclusion was drawn after 17 hours in the city; 8 of which were spent sleeping.
