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Dog Paddling Our Way Into The Shark Tank: Part 1

Because Some Girls (Hold Your Haunches) WANT to Talk About Taming Their Jiggly Butts on TV

In April 2013 we received an email from someone identifying themselves as a Shark Tank producer saying he had been on our website and social media and would really like to talk to us about being on the show. We replied that we were certain we could make time to talk to someone that was trying to get Hold Your Haunches on TV in front of 7 million people and 5 genius gazillionaires, that in fact we could make time to talk to someone that was a television producer for the heck of it because we are starstruck that way.

He asked us to film an audition video and gave us the parameters within which to work. We asked if he had seen the HLN clip and he said yes but he wanted to see more energy than that. In that particular segment Jenny had declared on Live television “I’m not gonna pull my pants down on TV!”

So more energy than that? Careful Mr. Shark Tank Producer Man. You don’t know how loose these 2 cannons are…yet.

We headed on over to our friend Doug’s studio and asked him to film for us. He readily agreed and then put on his figurative flak jacket. He has been working with us for a while. There is not much we can do to surprise him. He patiently filmed our video featuring shots like this:

When the video was finished we emailed it to Mr. Shark Tank Producer Man who said “OMG this is it! Please send a hard copy as well as samples of your products pronto”

We packed our box and sent it straight to a place that sounded real fancy and Hollywoodish with this picture taped to the top:

Luckily for us, when we made our video and sent it on, we had NO idea what was ahead. We will be the first to tell you that the scrutiny of the Shark Tank application & vetting process is possibly harder than getting the go-ahead to run for President of the US. And no, that is not a political statement.

A week or so later Erin’s cell phone rang with a strange area code and when she answered the caller id’d herself as a Shark Tank casting agent and said that Hold Your Haunches had made it to the next round of Casting for Season 5. Oh just another average, everyday phone call. Excuse me, but because of the 3 hour time difference here Ms. Casting Agent, you may have reached a girl who is sitting in NC with her lifelong friend doing her best to spring out of the bottom of the wine bottle she finds herself in. But please do tell me Hold Your Haunches next step.

Hold Your Haunches was then sent 40+ pages of Shark Tank legal documents to sign that basically said if you screw any of this up, you are not only dead to us, you are going to wish you were literally dead . Naturally we said “OKAY SUPER! Give us a pen!” We hooked back up with Mr. Producer Man and his new sidekick Baby Producer Man and we started a weekly process of phone chats in which we practiced and honed our pitch between asking things like “Do you ever see the Kardashians?” , covering pressing current events like “Do you think Brangelina will adopt again? And if so, where from?” And they would ask “WHEN are you all going to spill the beans on the model in that before and after shot?” Our new BFF Producer Men scheduled our weekly phone calls Fridays at 5:00 PST, so any straying off topic at that hour was really their fault.

The powers that be told us to set aside the month of June and be prepared to fly to Los Angeles prepared to pitch. So we frantically got as prepared as possible between 1 child graduating high school, another 5 children getting out of school for summer and waiting on their live-in clowns (mothers) to entertain them. And oh yeah, running Hold Your Haunches. Eventually we were told NVM, set aside the month of July. And right around the time we were rescheduling vacation plans, we were told OK, now what you need to do is block off September.

SOOOO, as exasperating as these postponements could be, we reminded ourselves that God looks after drunks and fools. Whatever. Anyway, we do have a bit of the “shoot aim ready” syndrome. In hindsight ,the extra months to prepare were extremely beneficial to us. Our accountant, Job, we mean Steven, may beg to differ.

UP NEXT: PART 2 of Dog Paddling our way into the Shark Tank; Or why do Erin and Jenny have their very own trailer?