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Dog Paddling Our Way Into The Shark Tank: Part 2

Or Why Do Jenny & Erin Have Their Very Own Trailer

People often ask us what we did to prepare for Shark Tank. First of all, we watched every.single.episode. As avid TV watchers, this was not a problem. Knowing Hold Your Haunches’ answer to every.single.question; this was more challenging. We scoured articles about the Sharks. If a Shark had a book out, we read it. We peppered our conversations with ‘Well you know Daymond invests as much in the person as the product’ or ‘That Barbara’s mom; what a pistol!’

It was weird.

Second of all, we held pretend Shark Tank panel (read:abuse) Q & A’s where people we thought were our friends and husbands peppered us with every question they could possibly imagine and beat up on us until we had the answers crisp and correct. They are sadists, and we may still dream of ways to put snakes in their beds, but this method was tremendously helpful.

We also had a few meetings with with investment bankers, one of which was in Atlanta. It was held in a white tablecloth power lunch venue that looked like a scene in which many deals had been made over martinis. Sadly, this was not a 3 martini lunch because it turns out it is not 1980. One of the men we met with has facilitated mergers and buyouts with the likes of Home Depot, so we were an obvious match. He hates Hollywood and said everyone there is a Shark and he did not want us to go. He said ‘What if you girls tell them we are not going to do this?‘ We said “They would be like, OK BYE”

In early September, we finally received our call from the travel division of ABC asking for our secure flight information! Because we doubt our full names and birthdays could be found anywhere in the 25 pound package of due diligence paperwork.

We giddily hauled our haunches onto a plane on a Saturday morning and arrived in LA that evening. We were taken to the hotel where our fellow entrepreneurs were staying and met with our Shark Tank hotel contact. She told us to be dressed and ready to pitch/get lectures Sunday morning at what will heretofore be referred to as the 9000th time we were told ‘There are no guarantees here. Even if you are here, you may not film. Even if you film you may not air. And if you tell any Shark Tank secrets, suffice it to say, you will be bankrupt’

Day 1 @ the Hotel. Such Doe-Eyed Innocents

The companies were told that this was the last week of taping for Season 5. That if filming were to get backlogged, Hold Your Haunches et al could be sent home without ever stepping foot on set. Comforting. They would be filming Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, in morning and afternoon segments. Betcha can’t guess when we were scheduled.

Our Producer Man BFFs had other companies to prep that were on the schedule before us (because actually every other company on the lot was on the schedule before us) so thankfully we had our real life in Macon sister friend Ashley with us. We call Ashley Chuy and if you watch raunchy late night TV, you will get the reference. Chuy is very good at planning. She was also cognizant of the fact that she had 2 somewhat borderline nervous breakdowns on her hands. She was in Los Angeles for Pete’s sake, and she did not have time for any of our shenanigans. So she scheduled what we do best; food and drink served with potential for movie star sightings.

Look! Ashley has her very own casting friend. He casts for The Voice. When we threatened to audition for him over lunch, he immediately called for the check

Chuy babysat us and listened to our pitch ad nauseum. She waited patiently while we quizzed and were quizzed by other entrepreneurs. She even had the pleasure of listening to another Shark Tank hopeful do his entire pitch for us while treading water in the hotel pool. Good times!!

Wednesday…afternoon we were shuttled over to the Sony lot. Jenny hopped in the first van and Erin dove headfirst into the cargo van with our new friend Justin. He asked if something was wrong with the other entrepreneurs she was left to ride with. She replied that she was sure that they were perfectly lovely gentlemen but their invention turned sea water into gold or virgins or some other commodity equally as valuable and she and Jenny created leggings with a built in girdle. There was a chance conversation would have been stilted.

Pulling up to the lot we saw some glum faces. Turned out because of technical glitches, several companies scheduled to film on Tuesday had been bumped to Wednesday. Would the Tuesday left-overs be taped before the Wednesday group? Yep.

Not to worry! We were on a production lot! There was a tent with food IS THIS CRAFT SERVICES?! Lots of golf carts, walkie talkies and our aforementioned very own trailer with the highly identifiable name “Hold” taped to the door.

Can you tell we’re tickled with our trailer?

Next: Part 3

Dog Paddling our Way into the Shark Tank: Because if We Hadn’t Taped, we wouldn’t have Written this