Because If We Hadn’t Taped, We Wouldn’t Have Written This
We’ve taped, we’ve aired and now we will air some more.
We hung in our trailer/on the lot harassing people and were at times
assured ‘sure, you’re going to make it to set ,no worries’ and just as
often told ‘it doesn’t look good, sorry’
Ambiguity is not our forte (and you knew that) but we had no choice but to ride the wave.
Except there were no Waves, nor Buzz and we were not Fine
The Head Haunchos continued to nerve out and spazz and be overall
pains in the asses until one of our friends, cute Heather in the Hat,
came to us and said “you’ve been moved forward in the line up, let’s go”
This was awesome! Except for the fact we had made friends with other entrepreuners and that meant we were jumping their companies (or 1 company but at this point who’s counting?) and while excited, we felt like heels.
We were taken to the green room off the sound stage and WAITED and waited. And felt both giddy and guilty…but no worries HYH fans, a most typical turn of events took place. Our friends got brought in and gave us the high sign. Shark Tank had changed their minds and our friends would pitch ahead of us.
So we stared blankly and waited and listened to the Sharks (even though we were not supposed to) chew other companies up. They were fussing so hard and loud we could not help but hear them and we got tighter in our tails than even our HYH had ever managed. Even though we were not allowed out of our room, every now and then, someone (Jenny) would venture to the bathroom and come back with reports. They did not supply us with sound proof head phones, but they did supply us with copious amounts of water, so again, not our fault. We heard PA’s calling for Kevin’s car. He was ready to get to the airport. Etc AND ETC!
Right about that time we were pulled into hair and makeup by the very kind, and somewhat sympathetic ladies whom we’d been peppering with questions all day. They played sweet, but were convinced we were toast.. Those sweet souls were damned and determined we were going to look good when we got our pink slip. As SOON as the hair teasing and wrinkle spackling commenced, Mr & Baby Producer Men flew in the room and yelled ‘you have 30 seconds to get to set if you want to tape’. WHAT?!
Haters Gonna Hate
So off we ran. To our marks. The very last company to film for Shark Tank Season 5. We were so insane by then, anything could have happened. As it often does. We were told to hold our marks for a full minute and not look at the Sharks. We peeked. We were told they would tell us when to start our pitch. We missed that one and Jenny sidemouth “what did they say” And Erin shrugged “no idea?” We watched a Shark or 5 laugh at our confusion, and then a man with no soul yelled “I said GOOD LUCK” and Hold Your Haunches was off to the races!
All 5 Sharks, Mark, Babs, Kevin, Lori and Robert really were decent to us. And this was nothing short of miraculous since we knew they were ready to go AND we had heard from undisclosed sources they were getting pretty grumpy as the day wore on. We asked who wanted to get in our pants, and not surprisingly, did not see a show of hands.
We outed our guts, butts and saddlebags. We were accused of fraudulent behavior by Mr. Wonderful. Because we were looking for a deal, and to not get cussed out, we did not make mention of his stage makeup.
The Boy Sharks were baffled by the concept and reality of Shapewear. This is because they are boys. We had fun and entertained their questions all the while praying we had (hopefully?) hooked 2 brilliant Lady Sharks who understood that a girls got a right to look tight.
The Boy Sharks all went out; and so did we. We were sent into the hall. As that is something we are not unaccustomed to, no harm no foul. We were told to make conversation but all we wanted to do was eavesdrop! And we tried, but Mr Producer Man made us talk and we did. And it was goofy. We said a bunch of nonsense like ‘we hope they make us a deal (pause) we can take…….’ Genius.
We were invited back in, and were offered a deal with Barbara and Lori!! Perfection!
We only wish our clever after thought of DREAM TEAM had made it out of our mouths when we were escorted offstage. To another stage., to proclaim our Blissful Happiness. And speak so eloquently “it’s a GAMECHANGER” Nimrods
Following that, we were whisked via golf cart to our trailer, on a very empty lot, where we opened a bottle of wine, collapsed and in all likelihood, went into total shock.
Mike from Barbara’s team immediately brought us a welcome packet…full of what would prove to be 10,000 more hours of paperwork. Poor Mike. He gave us his card. With every bit of his contact information. After his departure, we met with the very normal and sweet Shark Tank Shrink. Final moments in our beloved Sony Lot Trailer. Were we ok? (that’s a relative term right?) Was there anything we needed? (yes, pour us a splash would you?) Anything she could do to make this transition smoother ( please don’t ask us any more questions)
And then we were off to the new hotel, via van, to see our dear friend Chuy. And not be able to utter 1 word about what had happened in the Shark Tank. AWKWARD.
Dogpaddling our way into the Shark Tank: The Tank comes to Bibb & will we Ever Air?