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Tips And Tricks For Hiding Your "Problem Areas"

Problem areas: we’ve all got them. Even the people who are perfect (looking at you, Giselle) still have at least one thing they’d like to change. What can we say? We’re human. And if there’s one thing that humans were put on earth to do, it’s to bitch and moan about the things we’d like to change but are too lazy to do anything about. #OhWell

The good news is that thanks to modern day technology and societal advancements, we now don’t have to simply “live” with ourselves -- or, God forbid, step inside of a gym in an effort to get rid of our love handles. No, no. Because we all get to exist in a little heaven called “The 21st Century,” we get to wake up each morning and use a bevy of tricks (aerosol cans, paint brushes, girdles, corsets, literal magic, etc.) that transform us from this

To this:

While the “before” is all “Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!” (I can say that -- it’s me in the picture), the “after” is fairly acceptable as far as far as today’s impossible-to-reach beauty standards go. So, journey with me and let me take you on a little trip called “here’s how to trick people into thinking you’re better looking than you really are.” Oh, and I promise it doesn’t involve exercising. Pretty great, huh?

Trick One: Longer Lashes Without The Glue

By now, everyone and their mother has heard that if your mascara is drying up, sprinkle some contact solution in the bottle and shake it, and that will buy you at least a few more days of that mascara tube. But what most people haven’t heard is how to get your lashes longer -- without using extensions or falsies. Here’s how to do it: apply your mascara as you normally would, on the top of your lashes and then on the bottom. Once you’ve done this, take your mascara wand and turn it upward so that it is vertical. Then go from lash to lash, lightly touching your lashes with more mascara. This will add significant length -- no glue necessary. Pro tip: heat your eyelash curler for a few seconds using either your blow dryer or hot water. The heat will hold your lashes longer and give you more of a dramatic look.

Trick Two: Tease, Baby, Tease

If there’s one thing that we all have in common, it’s that none of us have enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needs to get done. Unfortunately for the ladies of the world, that typically means sacrificing sacred hair washing time (or, let’s be honest, sometimes showering altogether) so that things like laundry can get done and lunches can get packed. But just because your hair might be dirty, it doesn’t mean that it has to look dirty. All you need to make your hair appear clean and fresh are two things: dry shampoo to soak up the grease and a teasing comb to prevent your hair from looking limp. Pro tip: after you’ve applied the dry shampoo, blow dry your hair using the “cool” setting. It will do away with any remaining grease and ensure that your hair doesn’t have any residual dry shampoo left in it that will make it appear grey.

Oh, and just a friendly heads up: not tending to the back of your hair (i.e. just throwing it up in a ponytail) can age you by up to TEN years. So if you’re ever wondering if doing your hair is really worth it, just remember that it most certainly is. 

Trick Three: If You Can’t Tone It, Tan It

By now, we’ve all heard that the sun is just about as bad for you as cigarettes and Diet Coke combined (truth be told: I still drink Diet Coke like it’s water -- which will probably be what they write on my tombstone along with “we told you so,” but whatever), but there are ways to get tan without going out in the actual sun or into one of those godawful tanning salon places where you’ll be forced to run into people you went to high school with. Instead of tanning for real, pick up a can of aerosol (yes, we know it’s bad for the environment but that will be up to our great, great, great, grandkids to deal with) tanning spray at the drugstore. Make sure you exfoliate beforehand and then immediately cover your body with lotion after you’ve applied the tanner, as this will protect against runny or splotchy areas. Pro tip: While not technically faux tanner, Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs spray is one of the greatest inventions since gluten-free sliced bread. It masks veins, bruises, scars, etc. and makes it look like you’re wearing hose even when you’re not. Put it on your legs a few hours before your event and make sure to apply it with lotion.

Trick Four: The Taller The Heel, The Closer To Heaven

Especially when wearing pants that are tapered at the ankles, one of the greatest things you can do to make yourself appear longer and leaner (i.e. skinner) is to add some height. Our go-to with our favorite leggings (did you really think we’d go an entire blog post without talking about our fabulous pants?!) is to add a pair of wedges. One, it makes the outfit appear more pulled together and two, it instantly makes you look like one hot, skinny mama. And who doesn’t want that? Pro tip: heels that have thick straps can sometimes make you appear bulkier than you really are. Go for clean lines that draw the eyes up to your face.

Trick Five: Ponchos, and Tanktops, and Bracelets, Oh My!

While everyone knows about our fabulous pants, we’ve recently unveiled tops that are sure to wow you -- and everyone who looks at you. Unlike our pants, the tops do not feature a compression top (because talk about your boobs saying “ouch!”), they are awesome layering pieces that feature extra fabric on the bottom -- meaning that they can be pulled down to cover up your booty or ruched to create a slimming effect. One of our favorite things to wear over our On Top Tank Top is a poncho coupled with a serious amount of arm candy on our wrists. The On Top Tank Top smoothes out our midsection, the poncho/kimono covers our Holy Bat Wings, Batman! and the plethora of bracelets allow us to draw others’ eyes from our problem areas to our hello fabulous jewelry. Pro tip: pair our tops with one of Soma’s Vanishing Back bras for full coverage from all angles. Seriously, ladies, using this trick alone, you’re bound to appear 15-20 pounds slimmer. That goes down as a success in our book.